Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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