when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
