Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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