im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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