Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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