why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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