her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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