i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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