is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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