I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
