I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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