I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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