Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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