Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
