is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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