but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
