I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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