Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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