i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
