I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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