The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize