Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
