I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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