she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize