I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
