don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
