Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize