P.S. I can't hear my feet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize