I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
