Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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