I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
