Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
