I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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