if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
