Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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