it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
