He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jerry, you need to find god
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Boobs are out for the taking
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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