just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This baby is an asshole
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
