I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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