I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
