i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
