i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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