Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
