I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
