Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
