mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
