Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
MIDGETS
????
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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