final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My penis needs a shock collar
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
