dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
