dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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