Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
