this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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