I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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