I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize