he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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