dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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