Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they need to just BURY HIM!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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