We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
