why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
