he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
