is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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