I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
