i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
