I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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